Blog #8 - This one is a point of difference.

Finding Chemo - 50/50 Chance, like hard ball gets, like the odds.

Ok, last Wednesday 15 January has passed and frustration, anxiety, anger, fear and lashing out has now subsided. In parts it's residue remains but the leveller is what people, friends and family do around you.

A simple example sits with a Rotarian whom I know wants anoniminity and I'll honor that. After announcements at our meeting last Thursday, I had noted Monica's 3 week plan of donating all fees from her Yoga classes to Zoos Victoria Emergency Wildlife due to the devastation and pain that the fires have brought to our furry friends in the bush.. This person walked up to me and squeezed a substantial 'note' in my hand, this person has also had a most testing and dehabilitating time with cancer. A leveller alright.

Why was I angry, fearfull and the like ?

My oncologist said to Monica and I that the news from my Scans was not good, the liver tumors had progressed. So we became a bit numb. I know they have to be brutally honest with their diagnosis but when there are questions to be answered as to why this was the case a little more empathy in my eyes should be taken. To be told that one of the chemo drugs had not worked and now we are replacing it with a stronger one targeting my liver, why in the name of  ' you can fill in the blank' why wasn't this drug commenced with.

Anyway so be it, I've had 4 tornadoes infused this new one is a Tsunami, I'm building strength to go into it with gusto and positive thougts as I normally do.

So I take more positives from the halfway mark of this 'part' of my journey. They are that I can swallow all food types now and trust that continues plus knowing  the Cancer has not spread anywhere else at this time.

However I've requested and obtained a referral from my GP to seek a second opinion from Peter Mac Cancer Clinic. They've received my referral and a triage team are assessing my case in preparation for an appointment. I'm excited about that.

Eric Burdon and the Animals comes to mind. 'It's my life and I'll do what I want' could'nt help that.

What is 'Finding Chemo' about...?

Last Friday we went to the Aquarium in Seaford, we wanted to add a new gold fish for our outdoor pond, we have 11 we wanted a 12th.

We sought a 'shabunkin' we found him, his name is Chemo as in 'Finding Chemo' aka Nemo, as we have a new chemo this coming Wednesday.

And here he is:

For the record he has settled well the others follow him everywhere, leader of the pack...is that a lyric from somewhere in the past from a song..? Ah yes the Shangri-las I think.

I have to say Monica came up with the name, so credit due and noted.

So each morning we go 'Finding Chemo' in our pond, we know we'll find the right 'chemo' that will cease progress of this mongrel.

It's Sunday 19 January 2020, it's our wediing anniversary weekend our 12th one, we been together 24 years this year.

50/50 the same as my odds with the new treatment to come, like the odds, like the hardball gets, get enough you win.Whats the song/s to leave you with to search and listen to as a theme to this blog, if you don't already have it, here they are..

There are two, bit difficult for me to split, they are both from 'The Go-Betweens".

'Finding You' and The Core of the Flame' just beautifully crafted and poignant songs.

I'm Ok Your Ok, that's what counts.

Remember the Morning is your friend and look out for your neighbour.

Charles....see you again on the back of the coming days of infusion. xxoo.















 







   

Blog #7 Hard/easier to Swallow)

Trepidation:

So the season of family get together's sharing Christmas cheer and presents plus the New Year intro into 2020 has come and gone and I've only busted 3 resolutions, how are you all going with yours..?

8 January 2020 marched up fairly quickly and my extra week off chemo was over and away we went (Tom my mentor and I ) to the Frankston Intergrated Cancer Care Unit to be infused.

One familiar face today a woman in her 50's with the 'uncle festa hair cut' was in for a short burst. She loves that I call her 'fess' if she didn't she's big enough to wallop me and I reckon I'd stay on the canvas. As she left she said I'm sorry I have to go before I watch you listen to your music, I hope to see her again, she was off to the movies to watch 'Cats'.

The Pharmacist was there today with the nurse and they looked a bit glum or worried about what they were going to tell me. They decided to continue with the chemo despite a higher toxicity level in my Liver.

However I've been on a course of antibiotics with a bug that rose my temperature to a nasty level but workman like over the next 24 hours reduced it back to normal. Plus a few wines and champagne to go with the season, that I may have to forgo for a while. So be it. We fathomed the Liver is awake and doing it's job so no fear there, the levels can change so quickly day to day.

What I can say is that my food intake is pretty much normal again as my throat tumour has lessened I suspect 'cause I couldn't eat much (apart from smoothies, soups, laksas, pearly noodles etc) before the chemo, winner. I still chew a bit more, never know when this beast strikes, for now the throat mongrel is on the canvas.

So the three hours odd travelled fairly quickly with the strange mix of 'new romantic music' which featured 'Echo and the Bunnymen' with songs called The Cutter and The Killing Moon to New Order  with Waiting for the Siren's Call even went to Kids in the Kitchen with Current Stand and Mi-Sex with People, sure a step back but they were great songs.

I was reading 'Tea and Scotch' by Roland Perry a fabulous insight into discovering the man behind the legend. Don Bradman, written so differently and searchingly which escapes the numbers of the great man and provides his inner thoughts at every challenge and there were plenty some weakened him and many more made him strong. A well credentialled author helped with interviews in his lounge and study.

Bradman's love of music to motivate, to calm after a day of centuries, doubles and the odd triple and to just chill is very evident in this book, he wrote his own compositiion 'Every Day is Rainbow Day for Me'. Fitting.

A cup of tea at 8.45 am and a scotch at 11.30, it put's me in the extra chair in the corner I return to it when I resume the book and I listen to them chatting, happy place.

So why is this blog titled Trepidation, well yes, it's the half way mark of 8 infusions which will tell the tale of progress or not, when the scan results from this Monday 13 January are revealed on Wednesday (15th) at my meeting with Dr Ben my oncologist.

Worrying is out, it doesn't help, do I go a bit dark on it, yes, that's where your light comes in so I push through that barrier and get on with my day, my sleep and my greeting to the morning, my friend.

With positive mind and will to mend, let's see how we are and if the 'Magpies' are in front at half time, no matter what we still have 4 infusions to go. The second half if you like.

I've been thinking about a song though that takes me to Monday and early this morning Mr Jimmy Buffet jumped into my head from where I don't know, but it did.

'Come Monday It'll be all right,
Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four smokey days in the grey Seaford haze
And I just want you back by my side'

Hope 'Jimmy' doesn't mind a little lyric change.

Songs are jumping all around in my head just now and I can't stop them. 'Kiss My Name' by Antony and the Johnsons has come to my play list along with 'Cattle and Cane' by the Go-Betweens as the hackles and spark rise. The latter now featured in a French Film to come at the French Film Festival later this year, it's called 'Amanda' I'll see this and say you have your dream Grant (McLennan} you superstar and founding member of the Go-Betweens who left us in May 2006.    

I better stop here, we'll talk some more next week when some half way results are revealed.

Thank you for supporting my energy outlet with my story your support is amazing and I value it so much, I'm Ok your Ok.

Much Love
Charles...xxoo

NB; Congratulations Wayne & Sue on the arrival of your new Grandaughter so what's the song...?

Just now and this one goes back a bit, 'A little ray of Sunshine' by AXIOM (Glen Shorrock) loomed up quickly.

Enjoy.