Blog # 10 It's a mad mad world.....more like it's a sad sad world as this virus outbreak takes over people's minds and yes in some cases their bodies, surprisingly no children have been struck yet. That must mean something, unsure what yet..!
'How Bizarre that the Carnival is Over I'm Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Extraordinary Craft to Fly Me To the Moon to Get Back from Losing My Religion.' (name the bands..?)
Footy, Cricket, the Grand Prix, The Comedy Festival, Food and Wine Festivals, basketball, soccer, so many every day life's pleasures impacted. Even down to doing a 'loo movement' with a 'roll shortage thanks to the inane, moronic and unbalanced people that stormed market aisles to fight each over a 'crap' clean up..
One of the strangest and likely one of the most ridiculous things I've seen so far is about a kilometer queue of people somewhere in the south-east waiting to be tested for the 'Virus' whereby if someone had it they would likely give to all those around them.
Meanwhile back at #39 as noted earlier we've been able to stabilize the tumors after Infusion #7, the celebrations have concluded and Infusion #8 has been done. Next hit is on the 18th March so its really game on now, so after #9 and #10 we do scans again to see if we made further inroads, better-same-worse I guess is the simplest formula for me to use.
Stay positive and maybe we go 'better' again.
These hits are fairly loaded, powerful and strike without mercy, it has to be that way, so with a few days to go my body is in recovery and prep mode, I'll be ready. I call it Tumor Tumble Time.
I'm still staggered by the ages and types of people this mongrel beast attacks, some young with their lives ahead that you feel such sympathy for and wonder how did this happen to you.
Today 'the March Ides day' feeling the best I've felt since the last infusion, balance is back, the step springs are elastic again, vision is the same as the year we are in so I take advantage of these life's gifts again and a play on the wetlands trails with Chester (my hybrid bike) looms.
Music plays a big part of all this again, I have to admit a band that eluded me during 70's and 80's and beyond but no more are called 'The Ramones' OMG Dee Dee Ramone's bass work is brilliant no wonder Hooky from Joy Division/New Order copied his style.
For those who have fun with the music chasers, I know a few do (hey Annie R)...here are the current crop that are spinning just now....
1. War on Drugs - Under the Pressure
2. The Ramones - Baby I love you, Poison Heart, I Wanna be your Boyfriend.
3. Belle & Sebastian - Another Sunny Day love the lyric 'steamy windows when we met'.
4. The Trip - Still Corners 'The Sweetest Dove in the Dream'
5. The Go-Betweens - Bye Bye Pride
6. Belle & Sebastian - Dress Up In You
Rein (Monica's Dad) and I played a near 3 hour chess game, my first for far too long, he got me in the end but what a great game it was and is. Think I'll play some more, anyone want a game...?
I hope the 'virus' doesn't get you, if you have a 'paper' shortage remember the tale of the Rabbit and the Bear, get a Rabbit..!!!!
I really think this virus will leave us as quick as it came, when, who knows, but geez it's left a trail of misery like another Tsunami, I wonder how much was self induced by the public, the media and or carelessness and stupidity...!!
The reality of Footy games without people in the stands..really!!! Too much...
Play safe team,
Love you being around
Till we next...
Charles..xxoo
Saturday, 14 March 2020
Thursday, 20 February 2020
Blog #9 - Title; I'm spun, but not undone. (Reader awareness, this blog carries some baggage)
The 7th infusion has come and gone (19 February) and this being the third of the 'heavier' doses I'm suitably exhausted, however entering the recovery mode to commence regaining strength. My strength, my cells awakening from the flood of devastating power the chemo brings.
To date this is the hardest blog to write not for any reason other than sparking some home truths about feelings, emotions, expectations, fears overcoming them with positive actions, breathing exercises, some stretching, yoga and Netflix.
It is and it was the crossroads of self esteem, what does that really mean..? Am I depressed, maybe a little, emotions flow quickly but I regain composure as quick as I can, or as quick as I allow it to be quashed. Which in itself is a couch job with a mental health expert. Though I do believe I've got the gears to speed away from those depths. That's where support from family, loved and cared for friends joins in, by the grace of anything I'm glad they do. I think about the journey to date and are grateful you are all still here with me.You are incredible!
Haircut or no haircut; this was a one of the simpler crossroads, I had my 5 weekly appointment with the sensational Ricoh (the mountain bike rider) whom with his wife Kim manage and own 'Fringe Dwellers' in Young Street Frankston. My appointment time was 4pm, I emerged from watching a film about the Stones and their tour of South America and Cuba. I must say the Cuban girls know how to dance to 'Jumpin' Jack Flash'.
It was 4.02pm so I thought I'm too late to go; I knew with some hair thinning occurring it needed to be shaped but I thought who do I need to impress. Then a flash of self worth crossed my mind and I said to myself I need to impress me. Then I can look myself in the mirror with positive thoughts again and start with impressing Monica, because she heads my cheer squad and then others that surround my life.
So I rang Ricoh and said I'm late, but I can be there in 10 minutes, all was ok and I sat down in the wash hair chair, it was 4.15pm, Ricoh played a big part in shaping my hair and the days to follow with confidence, self esteem and ready for some public eye. mmmmm. Your so Vain (Carly Simon) what the heck, no it was just a box to tick of the levels required to marry up to my normal self esteem, you could say the next box was to iron a shirt, it's all the same with any gain that makes me feel better about myself.
I also recognise that its the Cancer looking to bring me down physically and mentally, wipe me away, but these little steps that I took brought back my self worth and willed me to look to get back to the things that I love. Next in the mode is to celebrate my dear friend 'Cookies' birthday this Saturday, with a visit to Colac to celebrate my brother-in-laws birthday on Sunday and enjoy the Stellar Short Film festival at McClelland Sculpture Park next Saturday, things that got lost on me, but a Haircut decision brought self esteem/self worth back into being.
Hopefully a return to Rotary this week, I miss my brother and sisterhood, camaraderie and the opportunity to thank the members for their wonderful and humbling support they provide for me.
I'm going through a myriad of emotions as the importance of this latest chemo blast nears a mini crossroad. Come Monday we have more scans upper body, brain and warm coloured fluids again toying with me. The results will be revealed on Wednesday 26 February with Dr Ben my oncologist.
So we find out what's in sight do we have progress with some dismantling (love that word) of the tumors or do we deal with what's out of sight. Either way the 8th infusion will go ahead. Though I suspect with the unusual or maybe not, heart and brain scans along with upper body may well determine the next log of treatments.
That's where Dr Ben's mind is set I believe.
So I've regained some identity in all this and it's a hurdle I'm sure other cancer sufferers have confronted but I'm happy to have turned that page.
What have I been listening to....
Current Stand- Kids in the Kitchen
People- Mi Sex
Waiting for the Sirens Call - New Order
Four Seasons - Vivaldi
Go Betweens Live in London
Unknown Pleasures - Joy Division
Years of Refusal - Morrissey
Yeats- Waterboys
From my Magpie family man Luke, 'I have a therapist. Her name is Music' ...
We'll update once the scan results are known, so we greet each morning with refreshed enthusiasm and thank it for coming along again...
I am what surrounds me. Lucky to have what I have.
See you on the Flip side.
Love from me
Charles..xxoo
The 7th infusion has come and gone (19 February) and this being the third of the 'heavier' doses I'm suitably exhausted, however entering the recovery mode to commence regaining strength. My strength, my cells awakening from the flood of devastating power the chemo brings.
To date this is the hardest blog to write not for any reason other than sparking some home truths about feelings, emotions, expectations, fears overcoming them with positive actions, breathing exercises, some stretching, yoga and Netflix.
It is and it was the crossroads of self esteem, what does that really mean..? Am I depressed, maybe a little, emotions flow quickly but I regain composure as quick as I can, or as quick as I allow it to be quashed. Which in itself is a couch job with a mental health expert. Though I do believe I've got the gears to speed away from those depths. That's where support from family, loved and cared for friends joins in, by the grace of anything I'm glad they do. I think about the journey to date and are grateful you are all still here with me.You are incredible!
Haircut or no haircut; this was a one of the simpler crossroads, I had my 5 weekly appointment with the sensational Ricoh (the mountain bike rider) whom with his wife Kim manage and own 'Fringe Dwellers' in Young Street Frankston. My appointment time was 4pm, I emerged from watching a film about the Stones and their tour of South America and Cuba. I must say the Cuban girls know how to dance to 'Jumpin' Jack Flash'.
It was 4.02pm so I thought I'm too late to go; I knew with some hair thinning occurring it needed to be shaped but I thought who do I need to impress. Then a flash of self worth crossed my mind and I said to myself I need to impress me. Then I can look myself in the mirror with positive thoughts again and start with impressing Monica, because she heads my cheer squad and then others that surround my life.
So I rang Ricoh and said I'm late, but I can be there in 10 minutes, all was ok and I sat down in the wash hair chair, it was 4.15pm, Ricoh played a big part in shaping my hair and the days to follow with confidence, self esteem and ready for some public eye. mmmmm. Your so Vain (Carly Simon) what the heck, no it was just a box to tick of the levels required to marry up to my normal self esteem, you could say the next box was to iron a shirt, it's all the same with any gain that makes me feel better about myself.
I also recognise that its the Cancer looking to bring me down physically and mentally, wipe me away, but these little steps that I took brought back my self worth and willed me to look to get back to the things that I love. Next in the mode is to celebrate my dear friend 'Cookies' birthday this Saturday, with a visit to Colac to celebrate my brother-in-laws birthday on Sunday and enjoy the Stellar Short Film festival at McClelland Sculpture Park next Saturday, things that got lost on me, but a Haircut decision brought self esteem/self worth back into being.
Hopefully a return to Rotary this week, I miss my brother and sisterhood, camaraderie and the opportunity to thank the members for their wonderful and humbling support they provide for me.
I'm going through a myriad of emotions as the importance of this latest chemo blast nears a mini crossroad. Come Monday we have more scans upper body, brain and warm coloured fluids again toying with me. The results will be revealed on Wednesday 26 February with Dr Ben my oncologist.
So we find out what's in sight do we have progress with some dismantling (love that word) of the tumors or do we deal with what's out of sight. Either way the 8th infusion will go ahead. Though I suspect with the unusual or maybe not, heart and brain scans along with upper body may well determine the next log of treatments.
That's where Dr Ben's mind is set I believe.
So I've regained some identity in all this and it's a hurdle I'm sure other cancer sufferers have confronted but I'm happy to have turned that page.
What have I been listening to....
Current Stand- Kids in the Kitchen
People- Mi Sex
Waiting for the Sirens Call - New Order
Four Seasons - Vivaldi
Go Betweens Live in London
Unknown Pleasures - Joy Division
Years of Refusal - Morrissey
Yeats- Waterboys
From my Magpie family man Luke, 'I have a therapist. Her name is Music' ...
We'll update once the scan results are known, so we greet each morning with refreshed enthusiasm and thank it for coming along again...
I am what surrounds me. Lucky to have what I have.
See you on the Flip side.
Love from me
Charles..xxoo
Saturday, 18 January 2020
Blog #8 - This one is a point of difference.
Finding Chemo - 50/50 Chance, like hard ball gets, like the odds.
Ok, last Wednesday 15 January has passed and frustration, anxiety, anger, fear and lashing out has now subsided. In parts it's residue remains but the leveller is what people, friends and family do around you.
A simple example sits with a Rotarian whom I know wants anoniminity and I'll honor that. After announcements at our meeting last Thursday, I had noted Monica's 3 week plan of donating all fees from her Yoga classes to Zoos Victoria Emergency Wildlife due to the devastation and pain that the fires have brought to our furry friends in the bush.. This person walked up to me and squeezed a substantial 'note' in my hand, this person has also had a most testing and dehabilitating time with cancer. A leveller alright.
Why was I angry, fearfull and the like ?
My oncologist said to Monica and I that the news from my Scans was not good, the liver tumors had progressed. So we became a bit numb. I know they have to be brutally honest with their diagnosis but when there are questions to be answered as to why this was the case a little more empathy in my eyes should be taken. To be told that one of the chemo drugs had not worked and now we are replacing it with a stronger one targeting my liver, why in the name of ' you can fill in the blank' why wasn't this drug commenced with.
Anyway so be it, I've had 4 tornadoes infused this new one is a Tsunami, I'm building strength to go into it with gusto and positive thougts as I normally do.
So I take more positives from the halfway mark of this 'part' of my journey. They are that I can swallow all food types now and trust that continues plus knowing the Cancer has not spread anywhere else at this time.
However I've requested and obtained a referral from my GP to seek a second opinion from Peter Mac Cancer Clinic. They've received my referral and a triage team are assessing my case in preparation for an appointment. I'm excited about that.
Eric Burdon and the Animals comes to mind. 'It's my life and I'll do what I want' could'nt help that.
What is 'Finding Chemo' about...?
Last Friday we went to the Aquarium in Seaford, we wanted to add a new gold fish for our outdoor pond, we have 11 we wanted a 12th.
We sought a 'shabunkin' we found him, his name is Chemo as in 'Finding Chemo' aka Nemo, as we have a new chemo this coming Wednesday.
And here he is:
For the record he has settled well the others follow him everywhere, leader of the pack...is that a lyric from somewhere in the past from a song..? Ah yes the Shangri-las I think.
I have to say Monica came up with the name, so credit due and noted.
So each morning we go 'Finding Chemo' in our pond, we know we'll find the right 'chemo' that will cease progress of this mongrel.
It's Sunday 19 January 2020, it's our wediing anniversary weekend our 12th one, we been together 24 years this year.
50/50 the same as my odds with the new treatment to come, like the odds, like the hardball gets, get enough you win.Whats the song/s to leave you with to search and listen to as a theme to this blog, if you don't already have it, here they are..
There are two, bit difficult for me to split, they are both from 'The Go-Betweens".
'Finding You' and The Core of the Flame' just beautifully crafted and poignant songs.
I'm Ok Your Ok, that's what counts.
Remember the Morning is your friend and look out for your neighbour.
Charles....see you again on the back of the coming days of infusion. xxoo.
Finding Chemo - 50/50 Chance, like hard ball gets, like the odds.
Ok, last Wednesday 15 January has passed and frustration, anxiety, anger, fear and lashing out has now subsided. In parts it's residue remains but the leveller is what people, friends and family do around you.
A simple example sits with a Rotarian whom I know wants anoniminity and I'll honor that. After announcements at our meeting last Thursday, I had noted Monica's 3 week plan of donating all fees from her Yoga classes to Zoos Victoria Emergency Wildlife due to the devastation and pain that the fires have brought to our furry friends in the bush.. This person walked up to me and squeezed a substantial 'note' in my hand, this person has also had a most testing and dehabilitating time with cancer. A leveller alright.
Why was I angry, fearfull and the like ?
My oncologist said to Monica and I that the news from my Scans was not good, the liver tumors had progressed. So we became a bit numb. I know they have to be brutally honest with their diagnosis but when there are questions to be answered as to why this was the case a little more empathy in my eyes should be taken. To be told that one of the chemo drugs had not worked and now we are replacing it with a stronger one targeting my liver, why in the name of ' you can fill in the blank' why wasn't this drug commenced with.
Anyway so be it, I've had 4 tornadoes infused this new one is a Tsunami, I'm building strength to go into it with gusto and positive thougts as I normally do.
So I take more positives from the halfway mark of this 'part' of my journey. They are that I can swallow all food types now and trust that continues plus knowing the Cancer has not spread anywhere else at this time.
However I've requested and obtained a referral from my GP to seek a second opinion from Peter Mac Cancer Clinic. They've received my referral and a triage team are assessing my case in preparation for an appointment. I'm excited about that.
Eric Burdon and the Animals comes to mind. 'It's my life and I'll do what I want' could'nt help that.
What is 'Finding Chemo' about...?
Last Friday we went to the Aquarium in Seaford, we wanted to add a new gold fish for our outdoor pond, we have 11 we wanted a 12th.
We sought a 'shabunkin' we found him, his name is Chemo as in 'Finding Chemo' aka Nemo, as we have a new chemo this coming Wednesday.
And here he is:
For the record he has settled well the others follow him everywhere, leader of the pack...is that a lyric from somewhere in the past from a song..? Ah yes the Shangri-las I think.
I have to say Monica came up with the name, so credit due and noted.
So each morning we go 'Finding Chemo' in our pond, we know we'll find the right 'chemo' that will cease progress of this mongrel.
It's Sunday 19 January 2020, it's our wediing anniversary weekend our 12th one, we been together 24 years this year.
50/50 the same as my odds with the new treatment to come, like the odds, like the hardball gets, get enough you win.Whats the song/s to leave you with to search and listen to as a theme to this blog, if you don't already have it, here they are..
There are two, bit difficult for me to split, they are both from 'The Go-Betweens".
'Finding You' and The Core of the Flame' just beautifully crafted and poignant songs.
I'm Ok Your Ok, that's what counts.
Remember the Morning is your friend and look out for your neighbour.
Charles....see you again on the back of the coming days of infusion. xxoo.
Thursday, 9 January 2020
Blog #7 Hard/easier to Swallow)
Trepidation:
So the season of family get together's sharing Christmas cheer and presents plus the New Year intro into 2020 has come and gone and I've only busted 3 resolutions, how are you all going with yours..?
8 January 2020 marched up fairly quickly and my extra week off chemo was over and away we went (Tom my mentor and I ) to the Frankston Intergrated Cancer Care Unit to be infused.
One familiar face today a woman in her 50's with the 'uncle festa hair cut' was in for a short burst. She loves that I call her 'fess' if she didn't she's big enough to wallop me and I reckon I'd stay on the canvas. As she left she said I'm sorry I have to go before I watch you listen to your music, I hope to see her again, she was off to the movies to watch 'Cats'.
The Pharmacist was there today with the nurse and they looked a bit glum or worried about what they were going to tell me. They decided to continue with the chemo despite a higher toxicity level in my Liver.
However I've been on a course of antibiotics with a bug that rose my temperature to a nasty level but workman like over the next 24 hours reduced it back to normal. Plus a few wines and champagne to go with the season, that I may have to forgo for a while. So be it. We fathomed the Liver is awake and doing it's job so no fear there, the levels can change so quickly day to day.
What I can say is that my food intake is pretty much normal again as my throat tumour has lessened I suspect 'cause I couldn't eat much (apart from smoothies, soups, laksas, pearly noodles etc) before the chemo, winner. I still chew a bit more, never know when this beast strikes, for now the throat mongrel is on the canvas.
So the three hours odd travelled fairly quickly with the strange mix of 'new romantic music' which featured 'Echo and the Bunnymen' with songs called The Cutter and The Killing Moon to New Order with Waiting for the Siren's Call even went to Kids in the Kitchen with Current Stand and Mi-Sex with People, sure a step back but they were great songs.
I was reading 'Tea and Scotch' by Roland Perry a fabulous insight into discovering the man behind the legend. Don Bradman, written so differently and searchingly which escapes the numbers of the great man and provides his inner thoughts at every challenge and there were plenty some weakened him and many more made him strong. A well credentialled author helped with interviews in his lounge and study.
Bradman's love of music to motivate, to calm after a day of centuries, doubles and the odd triple and to just chill is very evident in this book, he wrote his own compositiion 'Every Day is Rainbow Day for Me'. Fitting.
A cup of tea at 8.45 am and a scotch at 11.30, it put's me in the extra chair in the corner I return to it when I resume the book and I listen to them chatting, happy place.
So why is this blog titled Trepidation, well yes, it's the half way mark of 8 infusions which will tell the tale of progress or not, when the scan results from this Monday 13 January are revealed on Wednesday (15th) at my meeting with Dr Ben my oncologist.
Worrying is out, it doesn't help, do I go a bit dark on it, yes, that's where your light comes in so I push through that barrier and get on with my day, my sleep and my greeting to the morning, my friend.
With positive mind and will to mend, let's see how we are and if the 'Magpies' are in front at half time, no matter what we still have 4 infusions to go. The second half if you like.
I've been thinking about a song though that takes me to Monday and early this morning Mr Jimmy Buffet jumped into my head from where I don't know, but it did.
'Come Monday It'll be all right,
Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four smokey days in the grey Seaford haze
And I just want you back by my side'
Hope 'Jimmy' doesn't mind a little lyric change.
Songs are jumping all around in my head just now and I can't stop them. 'Kiss My Name' by Antony and the Johnsons has come to my play list along with 'Cattle and Cane' by the Go-Betweens as the hackles and spark rise. The latter now featured in a French Film to come at the French Film Festival later this year, it's called 'Amanda' I'll see this and say you have your dream Grant (McLennan} you superstar and founding member of the Go-Betweens who left us in May 2006.
I better stop here, we'll talk some more next week when some half way results are revealed.
Thank you for supporting my energy outlet with my story your support is amazing and I value it so much, I'm Ok your Ok.
Much Love
Charles...xxoo
NB; Congratulations Wayne & Sue on the arrival of your new Grandaughter so what's the song...?
Just now and this one goes back a bit, 'A little ray of Sunshine' by AXIOM (Glen Shorrock) loomed up quickly.
Enjoy.
Trepidation:
So the season of family get together's sharing Christmas cheer and presents plus the New Year intro into 2020 has come and gone and I've only busted 3 resolutions, how are you all going with yours..?
8 January 2020 marched up fairly quickly and my extra week off chemo was over and away we went (Tom my mentor and I ) to the Frankston Intergrated Cancer Care Unit to be infused.
One familiar face today a woman in her 50's with the 'uncle festa hair cut' was in for a short burst. She loves that I call her 'fess' if she didn't she's big enough to wallop me and I reckon I'd stay on the canvas. As she left she said I'm sorry I have to go before I watch you listen to your music, I hope to see her again, she was off to the movies to watch 'Cats'.
The Pharmacist was there today with the nurse and they looked a bit glum or worried about what they were going to tell me. They decided to continue with the chemo despite a higher toxicity level in my Liver.
However I've been on a course of antibiotics with a bug that rose my temperature to a nasty level but workman like over the next 24 hours reduced it back to normal. Plus a few wines and champagne to go with the season, that I may have to forgo for a while. So be it. We fathomed the Liver is awake and doing it's job so no fear there, the levels can change so quickly day to day.
What I can say is that my food intake is pretty much normal again as my throat tumour has lessened I suspect 'cause I couldn't eat much (apart from smoothies, soups, laksas, pearly noodles etc) before the chemo, winner. I still chew a bit more, never know when this beast strikes, for now the throat mongrel is on the canvas.
So the three hours odd travelled fairly quickly with the strange mix of 'new romantic music' which featured 'Echo and the Bunnymen' with songs called The Cutter and The Killing Moon to New Order with Waiting for the Siren's Call even went to Kids in the Kitchen with Current Stand and Mi-Sex with People, sure a step back but they were great songs.
I was reading 'Tea and Scotch' by Roland Perry a fabulous insight into discovering the man behind the legend. Don Bradman, written so differently and searchingly which escapes the numbers of the great man and provides his inner thoughts at every challenge and there were plenty some weakened him and many more made him strong. A well credentialled author helped with interviews in his lounge and study.
Bradman's love of music to motivate, to calm after a day of centuries, doubles and the odd triple and to just chill is very evident in this book, he wrote his own compositiion 'Every Day is Rainbow Day for Me'. Fitting.
A cup of tea at 8.45 am and a scotch at 11.30, it put's me in the extra chair in the corner I return to it when I resume the book and I listen to them chatting, happy place.
So why is this blog titled Trepidation, well yes, it's the half way mark of 8 infusions which will tell the tale of progress or not, when the scan results from this Monday 13 January are revealed on Wednesday (15th) at my meeting with Dr Ben my oncologist.
Worrying is out, it doesn't help, do I go a bit dark on it, yes, that's where your light comes in so I push through that barrier and get on with my day, my sleep and my greeting to the morning, my friend.
With positive mind and will to mend, let's see how we are and if the 'Magpies' are in front at half time, no matter what we still have 4 infusions to go. The second half if you like.
I've been thinking about a song though that takes me to Monday and early this morning Mr Jimmy Buffet jumped into my head from where I don't know, but it did.
'Come Monday It'll be all right,
Come Monday I'll be holding you tight.
I spent four smokey days in the grey Seaford haze
And I just want you back by my side'
Hope 'Jimmy' doesn't mind a little lyric change.
Songs are jumping all around in my head just now and I can't stop them. 'Kiss My Name' by Antony and the Johnsons has come to my play list along with 'Cattle and Cane' by the Go-Betweens as the hackles and spark rise. The latter now featured in a French Film to come at the French Film Festival later this year, it's called 'Amanda' I'll see this and say you have your dream Grant (McLennan} you superstar and founding member of the Go-Betweens who left us in May 2006.
I better stop here, we'll talk some more next week when some half way results are revealed.
Thank you for supporting my energy outlet with my story your support is amazing and I value it so much, I'm Ok your Ok.
Much Love
Charles...xxoo
NB; Congratulations Wayne & Sue on the arrival of your new Grandaughter so what's the song...?
Just now and this one goes back a bit, 'A little ray of Sunshine' by AXIOM (Glen Shorrock) loomed up quickly.
Enjoy.
Wednesday, 18 December 2019
Blog # 6 of Hard to Swallow.
Title: Characters you meet and the music that they bring, sitting in a chemo chair.
Temperatures were rising quickly when I arrived at the Frankston Intergrated Care Centre to have my 3rd Infusion of chemo. I walked across the pathway's to the Centre with an umbrella up looking very important to protect me from the sun plus my 50+ sunscreen spread everywhere else that may be exposed. People might think whose is this bloke with his mate/assistant carrying a bag of books, earphones and stuff.
So yeah, the usual anxieties heightened but its the thread of life and I'm ready to go and in good shape, so you deal with it.
Weight down a bit at 75.9kg from 83kg over 5 weeks, however no sugar, no pizzas, no more the 'occasional' potato cakes, fried dim sims, chicken strips, donuts, sweet biscuits, ice creams (long for a choc top) no dairy (really like soya milk now) and small big 'm's all shelved.That's all due to swallowing difficulties with the cancer plus recommended delete's from the researched side effects of the chemo, it works, but hey I'm in good shape and still have much energy with yoga, walking, bike riding and garden time.
Into chair #4 this time with a different array of chemo recipients before me in chairs 1, 2 and 3 and what characters they were.
First off was a gentleman named Laudio late 60's maybe, he left no doubt he was an experienced recipient, bringing his own esky with cereal and soya milk, home made muffins, nuts and fruit and of course a flask of expresso coffee. I was intrigued, curious and it was a 'lay down misere' I was going to speak to him, his cheeky smile was so welcoming.
But he was first, my hands were tapping on my book as I was listening with my blue tooth earphones to the brilliant drumming in the song 'Push' by the Cure, so Laudio sings out 'what you listening to young or younger than me old boy'. I said The Cure, 'good choice' he said 'I listening to Pavrotti, ah you are the only flower of my life' and is wife walked in, a moment to savour, reflect and understand the important things in life, your loved ones above all.
To my right a woman, in for the first time with her portal swinging into action with the chemo drip streaming along. She pulled her earphones off and asked what music we were talking about. Her name was Angie, early forties, this mongrel disease has no discretion.
She said the Stones but not Angie she thinks that song is to sad, so she said she was stuck for a song or saying about her. I said to her 'whats your favourite part of the day' she said 'the morning' I suggested you could consider 'Just call me ANGIE of the moning' we had a laugh and earrphones went back on. She left earlier than I and said I'm going to down load that song, smiled and left.
The last couple before me were Billy and Tilly, his first time in his early 70's his earphones carried the Doobie Bros, again this miserable low life disease catches the coolest people.Tilly had been listening to the converations on music and gigs she nudged a rather nervous Billy to respond with all the music he loved, we nodded approval to Jackson Brown, Peter Frampton and Eric Clapton so he happliy returned his earphones to his head.
This trio of chairs with music heroes before me may never happen again, but be rest assured if one or more of them are in the same room as each other or I, we'll have no trouble mixing music yarns and gigs and merrily passing the time as our life's threads decide our future.
Me, I'm ok the aftermath is the hardest in the first days post infusion, but I'm strong, positive in mind and body so once side effects come I'm a little better to deal with them.
Next infusion and the 4th is in 2020, January 8 once done we head to the scans as the first marker of progress, a fairly important juncture I suspect, but what will be is, I can't change that, power of positive thinking in play helps. Outcomes by January 15, then 4 more infusions to go, regardless..
Pies still lead Carlton by 15 points heading to half time(for you Wayne).
To you, thank you for your kind thoughts, they mean much to me and help drive me to my goal of remission. All the crap, exhausting as it may be (great choice of words by Dawn) that I go through is going to save my life...
Believe and Rise...
Have a great Christmas with family and friends and cracking start to the New Decade, does 2000 seem that long ago..?
See you in my chat room with the 7th Blog in 2020, be well and content, remember the morning is your friend embrace it, keep your neighbour in sights they might need You.
Boxing Day Cricket to come.
Stella short film festival
Trips to the country...
Dont stop planning things.
Oh and Daniel the The Go-Betweens Anthology Volume 2 is an outstanding masterpiece. The Rarities in particular. Thank you for organising this to be sent to me.
Love from me
Charles 2019 into 2020..
Title: Characters you meet and the music that they bring, sitting in a chemo chair.
Temperatures were rising quickly when I arrived at the Frankston Intergrated Care Centre to have my 3rd Infusion of chemo. I walked across the pathway's to the Centre with an umbrella up looking very important to protect me from the sun plus my 50+ sunscreen spread everywhere else that may be exposed. People might think whose is this bloke with his mate/assistant carrying a bag of books, earphones and stuff.
So yeah, the usual anxieties heightened but its the thread of life and I'm ready to go and in good shape, so you deal with it.
Weight down a bit at 75.9kg from 83kg over 5 weeks, however no sugar, no pizzas, no more the 'occasional' potato cakes, fried dim sims, chicken strips, donuts, sweet biscuits, ice creams (long for a choc top) no dairy (really like soya milk now) and small big 'm's all shelved.That's all due to swallowing difficulties with the cancer plus recommended delete's from the researched side effects of the chemo, it works, but hey I'm in good shape and still have much energy with yoga, walking, bike riding and garden time.
Into chair #4 this time with a different array of chemo recipients before me in chairs 1, 2 and 3 and what characters they were.
First off was a gentleman named Laudio late 60's maybe, he left no doubt he was an experienced recipient, bringing his own esky with cereal and soya milk, home made muffins, nuts and fruit and of course a flask of expresso coffee. I was intrigued, curious and it was a 'lay down misere' I was going to speak to him, his cheeky smile was so welcoming.
But he was first, my hands were tapping on my book as I was listening with my blue tooth earphones to the brilliant drumming in the song 'Push' by the Cure, so Laudio sings out 'what you listening to young or younger than me old boy'. I said The Cure, 'good choice' he said 'I listening to Pavrotti, ah you are the only flower of my life' and is wife walked in, a moment to savour, reflect and understand the important things in life, your loved ones above all.
To my right a woman, in for the first time with her portal swinging into action with the chemo drip streaming along. She pulled her earphones off and asked what music we were talking about. Her name was Angie, early forties, this mongrel disease has no discretion.
She said the Stones but not Angie she thinks that song is to sad, so she said she was stuck for a song or saying about her. I said to her 'whats your favourite part of the day' she said 'the morning' I suggested you could consider 'Just call me ANGIE of the moning' we had a laugh and earrphones went back on. She left earlier than I and said I'm going to down load that song, smiled and left.
The last couple before me were Billy and Tilly, his first time in his early 70's his earphones carried the Doobie Bros, again this miserable low life disease catches the coolest people.Tilly had been listening to the converations on music and gigs she nudged a rather nervous Billy to respond with all the music he loved, we nodded approval to Jackson Brown, Peter Frampton and Eric Clapton so he happliy returned his earphones to his head.
This trio of chairs with music heroes before me may never happen again, but be rest assured if one or more of them are in the same room as each other or I, we'll have no trouble mixing music yarns and gigs and merrily passing the time as our life's threads decide our future.
Me, I'm ok the aftermath is the hardest in the first days post infusion, but I'm strong, positive in mind and body so once side effects come I'm a little better to deal with them.
Next infusion and the 4th is in 2020, January 8 once done we head to the scans as the first marker of progress, a fairly important juncture I suspect, but what will be is, I can't change that, power of positive thinking in play helps. Outcomes by January 15, then 4 more infusions to go, regardless..
Pies still lead Carlton by 15 points heading to half time(for you Wayne).
To you, thank you for your kind thoughts, they mean much to me and help drive me to my goal of remission. All the crap, exhausting as it may be (great choice of words by Dawn) that I go through is going to save my life...
Believe and Rise...
Have a great Christmas with family and friends and cracking start to the New Decade, does 2000 seem that long ago..?
See you in my chat room with the 7th Blog in 2020, be well and content, remember the morning is your friend embrace it, keep your neighbour in sights they might need You.
Boxing Day Cricket to come.
Stella short film festival
Trips to the country...
Dont stop planning things.
Oh and Daniel the The Go-Betweens Anthology Volume 2 is an outstanding masterpiece. The Rarities in particular. Thank you for organising this to be sent to me.
Love from me
Charles 2019 into 2020..
Sunday, 8 December 2019
Hard to Swallow
Blog #5
Title: Endure, Rebound & Recover
Endure
Well I've just finished the second bout of chemotherapy, not sure about the therapy bit, certainly alert to the chemo part of the word.
Currently featuring a 'chemo' glow on my face, just like a cherub, just in time for Christmas, well at least I can run my fingers over my face and warm them and shake off some of the neurotherapy that's attacking me.
So what has been happening since we last sat together. On 4 December I met my 9am appointment at the Intergrated Care Centre at Frankston Hospital for the infusion of two of the three drugs being pumped into me. The third drug is connected to my chest portal and drips into me through a bottle swung around my neck for the next 2 days. I go home. A little inconvenient you might say but hey it works.
Friday just gone I returned to the hospital for the disconnect and flush and so the three day vigil has finished.
I must say the nurses that attend me are the most caring, attentive,informed and dedicated people I've ever met. Well I guess I feel this way with what is encompassing me just now. They put up with me playing my music through my bluetooth earphones throwing my arms around and sometimes bellowing out some words to the songs that embrace me. They smile and get me chicken soup and crackers with vegemite and peanut butter.
Now this being my second 'blast' I was waiting for the side effects to kick in that were experienced before and any others that may appear. Being aware is half the battle to overcome them however the impact can be unexpectedly greater as was the neuropathy this time. So to the oncologist this week to tweak the dose to try to calm the problem for the next infusion due 18 December.
The usual tiredness and fatigue kicks in, however I've learnt to deal with this better. When fatigued rest, short nap and slump the body onto a bed or a yoga mat, both just as soothing. Now the tiredness that's when you get up and go for a walk, near me, well 4 minutes away is the Seaford Tea Tree walk along the beach that lift's my spirits and my feet.
Then home to do some stretches and poses I can recall from Monica's morning yoga sessions with me.
Enduring is made easier with the support I have, it's humbling, friends and neighbours come to me with thoughts and deeds that lift spirits and add to my growing positive feelings with the chemo. To that end I received a message from a dear friend whom is dealing with the aftermath of an attack of this evil beast with the wise words that resonate with me, in particular as learning to endure the process I quote:
"Be strong, I did positive affirmations thinking of the chemo as a golden thread that was strengthening me - even when it exhausted me"
The swallowing has been a key concern which has limited my diet, though Monica and I have come up with some amazing dishes, however at times the soups, well there is only so many recipes you can attempt.
Our neighbours Jenny and Stefan have brought over Beef Broth and Fish Broth that have been added to a variety of dishes (eg Laksas, Rissotto's and the like) so ever grateful for their love and care.
My friend, Tom Tomac has created a journal on an excell spread sheet that I add to every day that highlights my physiological symptoms, food diary, psychological symptoms, activity and exercise. Tom is brilliant in the medical field, google him it will tell you a 'little' more about him.
You never know it might become a table book for those suffering from esophageal cancer as a primary.
So we are able to monitor any changes in my mind and body and identify with what places my moods and chemo side effects take me and how best to deal with them and what keeps me in good shape for the next bout.
Of course I've wonderful support from my Rotary Club (The Rotary Club of Frankston), never taken for granted but always there. I'll be back.
Rebound
Some news of improvement, I'll go easy on this cause I don't want to jinx it, with 2 chemo bouts done my swallowing has eased at an alarmingly amazing rate. So the diet can vary further and I can indulge in foods I really love as well as sticking to what is working for me.
Just had some toast and vegemite, the toast was fantastic and been sorely missed, had it with scrambled eggs (and bacon, woohoo) for breakfast yesterday I can't explain how good that was.
How long this improvement lasts I don't know, who knows what this beast is up to, but I do know to trust the chemo cause this would not have happened without it.
Positive thoughts, it gives me hope for what may be happening in the rest of my body.
Still doing some bike riding, spurts through the wetlands maybe 14-15k , covered up from the sun, body in shape that is maintained through yoga stretches and poses with Monica.
Believe.
Recover:
I guess this is more about the body regrouping after the chemo blast, the chemo's work is to kill off everything in it's sights including my good cells. However once finished the jousting begins and the body recovers slowly and some of the side effects diminish, but that is no certainty. It's day by day.
I don't want to be included in the 'average' numbers with this beast though one day I may have little say in it. But I know within myself that positive affirmations spread wings on me that take me over and above what is laid down on the ground for me.
So what else helps, easy for me I suspect, music is #1, listening to some music that is written and performed by close and longterm friends, one in particular who also has cancer and has be dealing with it a lot longer than myself is putting an album together. I'll let you know when it's released, he's from a time of 'Spirit of Place'. He was also a friend of my brother Bob, who this week has been gone for 20 years. Though he never really leaves me.
The tracks are stunning.
The top 3 favourites at the moment (# 1 for you Wayne, Mr President) are as follows:
1. Song called 'Fear' by Blue October, a lyric sample follows
'Cause fear in itself
Will reel you in and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
Now, fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
Like you were never enough
Yeah, I used to fall, now I get back up'
Great video, by the shore worth a look .
2. Peter Gabriel live with 'In your Eyes'
3. Theartre Royal 'Incidental Friend'
Oh the Go-Betweens are always in the mix.
Reading, walking, yoga add to the day, the only barrier may be from time to time is my secondary issue with the purpura (which has eased) where my platelets drop too low, we monitor this, so far no real hassles.
Ok so we are nearly at the '12 days' to Christmas phase I trust all your trees are up and families gathering amid plans for the annual celebrations, enjoy and we'll see you at Blog # 6 with further news of how this all going along.
It's great to have you around.....
Charles...xo
Blog #5
Title: Endure, Rebound & Recover
Endure
Well I've just finished the second bout of chemotherapy, not sure about the therapy bit, certainly alert to the chemo part of the word.
Currently featuring a 'chemo' glow on my face, just like a cherub, just in time for Christmas, well at least I can run my fingers over my face and warm them and shake off some of the neurotherapy that's attacking me.
So what has been happening since we last sat together. On 4 December I met my 9am appointment at the Intergrated Care Centre at Frankston Hospital for the infusion of two of the three drugs being pumped into me. The third drug is connected to my chest portal and drips into me through a bottle swung around my neck for the next 2 days. I go home. A little inconvenient you might say but hey it works.
Friday just gone I returned to the hospital for the disconnect and flush and so the three day vigil has finished.
I must say the nurses that attend me are the most caring, attentive,informed and dedicated people I've ever met. Well I guess I feel this way with what is encompassing me just now. They put up with me playing my music through my bluetooth earphones throwing my arms around and sometimes bellowing out some words to the songs that embrace me. They smile and get me chicken soup and crackers with vegemite and peanut butter.
Now this being my second 'blast' I was waiting for the side effects to kick in that were experienced before and any others that may appear. Being aware is half the battle to overcome them however the impact can be unexpectedly greater as was the neuropathy this time. So to the oncologist this week to tweak the dose to try to calm the problem for the next infusion due 18 December.
The usual tiredness and fatigue kicks in, however I've learnt to deal with this better. When fatigued rest, short nap and slump the body onto a bed or a yoga mat, both just as soothing. Now the tiredness that's when you get up and go for a walk, near me, well 4 minutes away is the Seaford Tea Tree walk along the beach that lift's my spirits and my feet.
Then home to do some stretches and poses I can recall from Monica's morning yoga sessions with me.
Enduring is made easier with the support I have, it's humbling, friends and neighbours come to me with thoughts and deeds that lift spirits and add to my growing positive feelings with the chemo. To that end I received a message from a dear friend whom is dealing with the aftermath of an attack of this evil beast with the wise words that resonate with me, in particular as learning to endure the process I quote:
"Be strong, I did positive affirmations thinking of the chemo as a golden thread that was strengthening me - even when it exhausted me"
The swallowing has been a key concern which has limited my diet, though Monica and I have come up with some amazing dishes, however at times the soups, well there is only so many recipes you can attempt.
Our neighbours Jenny and Stefan have brought over Beef Broth and Fish Broth that have been added to a variety of dishes (eg Laksas, Rissotto's and the like) so ever grateful for their love and care.
My friend, Tom Tomac has created a journal on an excell spread sheet that I add to every day that highlights my physiological symptoms, food diary, psychological symptoms, activity and exercise. Tom is brilliant in the medical field, google him it will tell you a 'little' more about him.
You never know it might become a table book for those suffering from esophageal cancer as a primary.
So we are able to monitor any changes in my mind and body and identify with what places my moods and chemo side effects take me and how best to deal with them and what keeps me in good shape for the next bout.
Of course I've wonderful support from my Rotary Club (The Rotary Club of Frankston), never taken for granted but always there. I'll be back.
Rebound
Some news of improvement, I'll go easy on this cause I don't want to jinx it, with 2 chemo bouts done my swallowing has eased at an alarmingly amazing rate. So the diet can vary further and I can indulge in foods I really love as well as sticking to what is working for me.
Just had some toast and vegemite, the toast was fantastic and been sorely missed, had it with scrambled eggs (and bacon, woohoo) for breakfast yesterday I can't explain how good that was.
How long this improvement lasts I don't know, who knows what this beast is up to, but I do know to trust the chemo cause this would not have happened without it.
Positive thoughts, it gives me hope for what may be happening in the rest of my body.
Still doing some bike riding, spurts through the wetlands maybe 14-15k , covered up from the sun, body in shape that is maintained through yoga stretches and poses with Monica.
Believe.
Recover:
I guess this is more about the body regrouping after the chemo blast, the chemo's work is to kill off everything in it's sights including my good cells. However once finished the jousting begins and the body recovers slowly and some of the side effects diminish, but that is no certainty. It's day by day.
I don't want to be included in the 'average' numbers with this beast though one day I may have little say in it. But I know within myself that positive affirmations spread wings on me that take me over and above what is laid down on the ground for me.
So what else helps, easy for me I suspect, music is #1, listening to some music that is written and performed by close and longterm friends, one in particular who also has cancer and has be dealing with it a lot longer than myself is putting an album together. I'll let you know when it's released, he's from a time of 'Spirit of Place'. He was also a friend of my brother Bob, who this week has been gone for 20 years. Though he never really leaves me.
The tracks are stunning.
The top 3 favourites at the moment (# 1 for you Wayne, Mr President) are as follows:
1. Song called 'Fear' by Blue October, a lyric sample follows
'Cause fear in itself
Will reel you in and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
Now, fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
Like you were never enough
Yeah, I used to fall, now I get back up'
Great video, by the shore worth a look .
2. Peter Gabriel live with 'In your Eyes'
3. Theartre Royal 'Incidental Friend'
Oh the Go-Betweens are always in the mix.
Reading, walking, yoga add to the day, the only barrier may be from time to time is my secondary issue with the purpura (which has eased) where my platelets drop too low, we monitor this, so far no real hassles.
Ok so we are nearly at the '12 days' to Christmas phase I trust all your trees are up and families gathering amid plans for the annual celebrations, enjoy and we'll see you at Blog # 6 with further news of how this all going along.
It's great to have you around.....
Charles...xo
Wednesday, 27 November 2019
Realisation Hard to Swallow Part 4
Realisation
Hard to Swallow Part 4
I've looked at how animals and people carry drinks over the years and in some cultures a chain around the neck has been the way to go.
Those of a certain vintage would recall the 'King' Graham Kennedy (IMT days) starring in the now Australian classic film 'Don's Party'. If you check it out you'll see he has a chain around his neck with a beer stein attached.
Legend has it that St.Bernards carried wine and/or brandy in barrels around their necks to help warm victims of avalanches until help arrived, though that is more a myth.
In the maze of being in night clubs in past years I recall women having 'mardi gras' drink holders around their necks, very hard to get close to on a dance floor. Though the music that played where I was, was not cheek to cheek, that came after, they still might be available now. Anyway you get the picture.
So for two days every fortnight for a least the next 14 weeks I wear a bottle full of my cancer drugs that is connected to my chest portacath that pumps the 'cure' into my body. Great for going out shopping and day trips, I seem to always have space to move, people are so kind. Mine is for life.
Oh on the other day of the fortnightly ritual I sit in a very comfortable arm chair that lifts my feet and adjusts to my back at the touch of a button whilst my drug ordered regimen in a bag beside me pumps the first lot into me. Such glee.
You're right. I'm cynical and I'm angry, the 'whiz' kids have told me 'oh Charles, this insideous disease has been in your body for months, many months maybe even for a year or more and your at Stage 4'.
How the hell do previous scans, xrays, pathology tests I've had over that time did not show any remnants or particles of the tumour that now riddle my liver that started in my oesophagus and likely elsewhere as we speak survive and prosper, though that is not confirmed or outruled for another six weeks when next PET Scans are done to see what the chemo has contained or shrunk.
Anyway it is what it is, Que Sera Sera.
So the fight is on in earnest now, cells jousting, side effects evident and likely to expand with further infusions. That's ok, I remain positive and I believe in the course I'm on will lead to a winning outcome of some sought. It's really early days with the chemo, body is in good shape and I've an army of support that in all honesty I'm staggered by and cherish..
Monica and I are working through a diet that allows me to swallow foods that are essential and some that I love that I can still handle in some form or another. You see I can't walk through a shopping centre and go wow I'm hungry I'll grab some sushi, some chinese, a pizza, a chicken whatever or a pita pocket salad roll because of the difficulty I have in swallowing. If I was to sit and try to eat any of those foods it would be a disaster.
So what is being positive about..? For starters it's about believing in yourself, trusting what your body can do and being a bit gentle on yourself, Planning things as you would normally do. December now is booked, Monica and I are taking Christmas to Christof at Colac we've got some great gifts for him and we'll take whatever it takes to ensure his comfort and joy (and ours).
My Collingwood membership arrived today with all the trimmings, so the fixture is on the fridge and games selected, all of them if I can. My mate Ross has Boxing Day tickets to the cricket ready for me and I really want to go, it's about how I'm traveling at the time, we'll find a way.
Music, well that's a constant, my son (Leon) and my friends share so much of what they play and have, it's never ending, aways exploring, ever tasting and challenging the boundaries where you find it.
One of my music loves is following the site Right Here:The Go Betweens Appreciation Society, such wonderful people on line that makes you believe there is hope in the world after all. Robert Forster is traveling the States, Great Britain and Europe just now gaining all the accolades he and the band have deserved and earned over now 40 years.
We are coming up to the weekend when 20 years ago my brother (Bob) past away, 1999, still fairly clear to me the occurrences of that weekend, I wrote a blog about him in March 2018, it's called Bob Coy Lorne Artist 'Motion in the Ocean , Breeze in the Trees', you can find it easily at acoyview.blogspot.com worth a peek.
Yesterday my oncologist was happy with my demeanour, noted my positive outlook, we go to the next infusion 4 December so we get the body in shape and be ready for whatever side effects want to come at me.
Keep safe, enjoy the season, one of my brother's mates whom I'm lucky still to have in my life, who himself is a brilliant singer songwriter and guitarist/musician said these little prophecies to me the other day, they read:
'Keep your sense of Humour'
'Have no restrictions'
'Drop off the baggage'
'Drop Guilt'
'Don't be intimidated' and 'Do what you do and do it well'...
See you at Part 5 ...
Much Love
Charles...
Hard to Swallow Part 4
I've looked at how animals and people carry drinks over the years and in some cultures a chain around the neck has been the way to go.
Those of a certain vintage would recall the 'King' Graham Kennedy (IMT days) starring in the now Australian classic film 'Don's Party'. If you check it out you'll see he has a chain around his neck with a beer stein attached.
Legend has it that St.Bernards carried wine and/or brandy in barrels around their necks to help warm victims of avalanches until help arrived, though that is more a myth.
In the maze of being in night clubs in past years I recall women having 'mardi gras' drink holders around their necks, very hard to get close to on a dance floor. Though the music that played where I was, was not cheek to cheek, that came after, they still might be available now. Anyway you get the picture.
So for two days every fortnight for a least the next 14 weeks I wear a bottle full of my cancer drugs that is connected to my chest portacath that pumps the 'cure' into my body. Great for going out shopping and day trips, I seem to always have space to move, people are so kind. Mine is for life.
Oh on the other day of the fortnightly ritual I sit in a very comfortable arm chair that lifts my feet and adjusts to my back at the touch of a button whilst my drug ordered regimen in a bag beside me pumps the first lot into me. Such glee.
You're right. I'm cynical and I'm angry, the 'whiz' kids have told me 'oh Charles, this insideous disease has been in your body for months, many months maybe even for a year or more and your at Stage 4'.
How the hell do previous scans, xrays, pathology tests I've had over that time did not show any remnants or particles of the tumour that now riddle my liver that started in my oesophagus and likely elsewhere as we speak survive and prosper, though that is not confirmed or outruled for another six weeks when next PET Scans are done to see what the chemo has contained or shrunk.
Anyway it is what it is, Que Sera Sera.
So the fight is on in earnest now, cells jousting, side effects evident and likely to expand with further infusions. That's ok, I remain positive and I believe in the course I'm on will lead to a winning outcome of some sought. It's really early days with the chemo, body is in good shape and I've an army of support that in all honesty I'm staggered by and cherish..
Monica and I are working through a diet that allows me to swallow foods that are essential and some that I love that I can still handle in some form or another. You see I can't walk through a shopping centre and go wow I'm hungry I'll grab some sushi, some chinese, a pizza, a chicken whatever or a pita pocket salad roll because of the difficulty I have in swallowing. If I was to sit and try to eat any of those foods it would be a disaster.
So what is being positive about..? For starters it's about believing in yourself, trusting what your body can do and being a bit gentle on yourself, Planning things as you would normally do. December now is booked, Monica and I are taking Christmas to Christof at Colac we've got some great gifts for him and we'll take whatever it takes to ensure his comfort and joy (and ours).
My Collingwood membership arrived today with all the trimmings, so the fixture is on the fridge and games selected, all of them if I can. My mate Ross has Boxing Day tickets to the cricket ready for me and I really want to go, it's about how I'm traveling at the time, we'll find a way.
Music, well that's a constant, my son (Leon) and my friends share so much of what they play and have, it's never ending, aways exploring, ever tasting and challenging the boundaries where you find it.
One of my music loves is following the site Right Here:The Go Betweens Appreciation Society, such wonderful people on line that makes you believe there is hope in the world after all. Robert Forster is traveling the States, Great Britain and Europe just now gaining all the accolades he and the band have deserved and earned over now 40 years.
We are coming up to the weekend when 20 years ago my brother (Bob) past away, 1999, still fairly clear to me the occurrences of that weekend, I wrote a blog about him in March 2018, it's called Bob Coy Lorne Artist 'Motion in the Ocean , Breeze in the Trees', you can find it easily at acoyview.blogspot.com worth a peek.
Yesterday my oncologist was happy with my demeanour, noted my positive outlook, we go to the next infusion 4 December so we get the body in shape and be ready for whatever side effects want to come at me.
Keep safe, enjoy the season, one of my brother's mates whom I'm lucky still to have in my life, who himself is a brilliant singer songwriter and guitarist/musician said these little prophecies to me the other day, they read:
'Keep your sense of Humour'
'Have no restrictions'
'Drop off the baggage'
'Drop Guilt'
'Don't be intimidated' and 'Do what you do and do it well'...
See you at Part 5 ...
Much Love
Charles...
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